an exhibition of photos by dalih sembiring and poems by dina oktaviani

june 30-july 16 2011

at sangam house
jl. pandega siwi 14
yogyakarta

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“homage to hometowns” | photos by dalih sembiring

english | growing up is finding an identity, a process influenced by what others think and how they behave. i grew up in four different places: binjai in north sumatra, dili in timor-leste, canberra in australia, and in yogyakarta. this was both good and bad. good, because i got to learn how the different cultures shape the minds of the people, and subsequently be able to be respectful toward each and any. bad, personally, because the repeated adjusting to each environment has made me doubt if i belong anywehere. but then there were the things that needed little learning: the various manifestations of intimacy. based in yogyakarta and having returned to dili and binjai early this year, i have managed to capture with my camera the universal stories of intimacy. as the photos will tell, genuine intimacy needs no learning, it is simply felt — be it in the little gestures of the objects, or in the corners that evoke that multi-faceted miracle. wherever you hail from, it is in this domain we all can feel that we belong. bahasa indonesia | pendewasaan adalah mencari identitas, sebuah proses yang dipengaruhi oleh pemikiran orang lain dan bagaimana mereka bersikap. saya tumbuh di empat kota berbeda: binjai di sumatera utara, dili di timor-leste, canberra di australia, dan di yogyakarta. hal ini bisa baik bisa buruk. baik, karena saya bisa mempelajari bagaimana kebudayaan yang berbeda-beda membentuk kepribadian masyarakatnya, dan akhirnya mampu menghormati perbedaan. buruk secara personal, karena proses penyesuaian diri yang berulang-ulang membuat saya merasa tidak punya tempat yang dapat betul-betul disebut kampung halaman. tapi ada hal-hal yang tidak perlu dipelajari: keintiman dalam berbagai perwujudannya. tinggal di yogyakarta dan sempat kembali ke dili dan binjai awal tahun ini, saya berupaya menangkap lewat kamera kisah-kisah universal keintiman. seperti tampak dalam foto-foto yang dipamerkan, keintiman sejatinya tak perlu dipelajari, cukup dirasakan — bisa dari isyarat-isyarat kecil sikap objek-objeknya, atau pada sudut-sudut yang membangkitkan keajaiban itu. siapapun anda dan dari manapun anda berasal, inilah ranah yang bisa kita bagi bersama.

“untitled memory” | poems by dina oktaviani

english | going home is always fascinating, and intimidating at the same time. those acute roads — are you ready for ghosts at every bend? they are strangers, they are close to your heart. they fly free, they suffocate you. they’re rites of passage to yourself. i try to respond to dalih’s photos — this is quite an experiment i’ve wanted to do since my short story “photograph poet” in 2005. i am not a complete stranger though — i was with dalih on his trip to dili, almost with him to binjai, i often spend quality time with him or his family in yogya, and who knows if i’m always in his dreams. but still, i respond to the photos, to the souls they bear. if i can relate to this intimacy, i believe you can too. bahasa indonesia | kata “pulang” selalu mempesona dan menindas sekaligus. jalan-jalan yang akut itu — apakah kau siap dengan hantu-hantu di setiap tikungan? mereka asing, mereka dekat di hatimu. mereka terbang bebas, mereka membekapmu. mereka ritus menuju dirimu. saya mencoba membalas foto-foto dalih — sebuah percobaan yang saya ingin sekali lakukan sejak cerpen saya “penyair foto” di tahun 2005. saya memang bukan sepenuhnya orang asing — saya bersama dalih dalam perjalanannya kembali ke dili, hampir menyusulnya ke binjai, saya sering menghabiskan waktu dengannya atau keluarganya di yogya, dan siapa tahu saya selalu di dalam mimpi-mimpinya. tapi foto-foto dalihlah yang saya balas – jiwa-jiwa yang dilahirkannya. jika saya bisa menjadi bagian intimacy, saya percaya anda juga bisa.

how could it be that the wind has never kissed me
the way you have and it knows better;
that my heart has never seen me in pain the way you have
and it is more persistent

anguish, my love, is what this road of desire has to offer
i have been walking in your shoes but it doesn’t matter
no one can undo love and in some cases it doesn’t evolve
i have kept your hurtful shadow where it is safe

you see neither hatred nor distant changes what’s true
i have the most dangerous love of all time for you
if you do, you must love me brave through and through

yk, june 1, 2011

there was a space bigger than the sky in my heart
for him, forever became him, forever was him

i ran to catch him, i smelt his skin
knowing not when to stop or how

i took off all my clothes, i was naked before him
knowing not when he’d understand or give up

i made love to him, from skin to blood
i let him kiss my scars, he made me leave god

i was overjoyed with all the flowers and the strife
i used to smile and laugh until i cried

then i sat there in the garden, in the rain, raining
the wind changed for me, so i changed for it

he was blown away from my nerves
he was gone before we said good bye

the sand in the beach i want to forget
the letters at the door i have swept

nobody knows how much i loved him
nobody knows how i stopped–i can’t explain

yk, april 1 2011

kalau senja ikut turun
lampu jalan membuat pertunjukan hujan
tentang kehilangan — berpuntung-puntung

kadang aku ingin sekali berdoa
tapi khawatir didengar tetangga
kadang-kadang yang perih lebih sulit dinyatakan
yang indah lebih sulit dibenarkan

aku sering berharap kejatuhan hujan di belakangku
bangkit menjelma langkah-langkah penyelamat
: seorang saudari, seorang anak, atau seorang kekasih yang teguh
yang tak pernah bisa memahamiku, tapi tak pernah jera

kadang aku ingin bertahan lama-lama
tapi aku bukan lampu jalan yang tegak itu
yang bisa kaunyala-padamkan kapan senang

aku mawar di bawah hujan
cantik-tengadah sepanjang minggu
dan sebab aku mawar, minggu depan kau mesti menggantiku

yk, 16 sept 2010

i often wish for the rain to come
sitting in the garden – nervously touching it
like touching my parents’ feet

if twilight comes along
street lamps create a rain performance
about loss – stub after stub

sometimes i am so eager to pray
but afraid to be heard by the neighbors
sometimes what hurts is more difficult to state
what’s beautiful is more difficult to justify

i often wish for the rain drops behind me to rise
and turn into steps of a savior
: a sister, a child, or a heroic lover
who never gets to understand me, yet never gets tired trying

sometimes i wish to spend more time holding on
but i am not those standing street lamps
that you can turn on and off anytime you please

i am a rose in the rain
pretty and proud all week
but for i am a rose, you should replace me next week

this monsoon is yet to kill the fire inside me
but your absence fades the colour of my soul
and fades the blood of my words

i walk this dawn on my own
i’d like to smoke my heart out
what’s my defense when fictions no longer cure

your eyes – oh how i want to get there quickly
not that i know what they’re like or what they do
it’s just that this darkness violently leads me to you

5 may 2010

this face cannot remember
how your trembling hands feel
or the way your breath wanders about my skin

how something so subtle and invisible
could whip a strong mind
causing dissolve on what used to shine

how something so unknown and so inexplicable
has overpowered my irresolute solitude
that everywhere i go i see only you

everywhere i look i see only wounds

24 april 2010

love of my death
clanks upon the boat were my melody
i was to go home, i was to go home
for the anchor was breaking up with seabed

love of my death
grey tears upon white pillows
shy pain, shy pain under my prayer hid
for you were real, yet ungripable

love of my death
i’ve no more soul to give away
for i had loved to the end of it
you could not have me more dead than i already was

love of my death
sailed me then, sailed me away

2 april 2010

]]> http://dinaoktaviani.com/poems/loose-anchor/feed 0 http://dinaoktaviani.com/gallery/dina-oktaviani-by-c-wahyu-jatmiko http://dinaoktaviani.com/gallery/dina-oktaviani-by-c-wahyu-jatmiko#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:40:05 +0000 Dina Oktaviani http://dinaoktaviani.com/?p=373