this monsoon is yet to kill the fire inside me
but your absence fades the colour of my soul
and fades the blood of my words

i walk this dawn on my own
i’d like to smoke my heart out
what’s my defense when fictions no longer cure

your eyes – oh how i want to get there quickly
not that i know what they’re like or what they do
it’s just that this darkness violently leads me to you

5 may 2010

this face cannot remember
how your trembling hands feel
or the way your breath wanders about my skin

how something so subtle and invisible
could whip a strong mind
causing dissolve on what used to shine

how something so unknown and so inexplicable
has overpowered my irresolute solitude
that everywhere i go i see only you

everywhere i look i see only wounds

24 april 2010

love of my death
clanks upon the boat were my melody
i was to go home, i was to go home
for the anchor was breaking up with seabed

love of my death
grey tears upon white pillows
shy pain, shy pain under my prayer hid
for you were real, yet ungripable

love of my death
i’ve no more soul to give away
for i had loved to the end of it
you could not have me more dead than i already was

love of my death
sailed me then, sailed me away

2 april 2010

]]> http://dinaoktaviani.com/poems/loose-anchor/feed 0 http://dinaoktaviani.com/gallery/dina-oktaviani-by-c-wahyu-jatmiko http://dinaoktaviani.com/gallery/dina-oktaviani-by-c-wahyu-jatmiko#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:40:05 +0000 Dina Oktaviani http://dinaoktaviani.com/?p=373

that never shows itself on my windows

it keeps worrying about the weather far out there

i am a blooming flower in a pot in a living room

i shall share my beauty with anyone who comes in

but who’s coming in – whom to share this decaying red gown with

i am a happiness-hunter

too brave to die, too sad to survive

when all that the rain wants is to grow new flowers

and this pot is losing some water

inertia! inertia!

let me tell you something about happiness

that betrays me every time love is the case

]]> http://dinaoktaviani.com/poems/the-happiness-case/feed 0 http://dinaoktaviani.com/poems/cinema-that-nightbioskop-malam-itu http://dinaoktaviani.com/poems/cinema-that-nightbioskop-malam-itu#comments Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:14:17 +0000 Dina Oktaviani http://dinaoktaviani.com/?p=355 (english version)

i thought you had left me too long
on that road, where time was so greedy of colours
everything that i wore had gone black and white
you still had not come back

i thought i had to make a trip that time
and ban myself to listen to any songs
but where–all the ex-boyfriends had become so gray
every shop accused me: “sad customers shall not get discount”

to cinema perhaps, so that sentiment could feel luxurious
i wanted to say: i miss you
but then i thought it was too common, as love

night had its own way of telling everything
like the moon above the street lamps
like a bat’s flaps above the traffic
like there was something so traditional wherever the crowd lashes
–like our life and what’s inside

i thought i had stayed too long
i did not know where you were, i did not dare—whom to ask
the film had begun, the lights were faded
my body was shaking, either out of cold either out of loss
people were all mumbling: “they who come alone may sit in the front”

(versi bahasa indonesia)

aku merasa kau meninggalkanku terlalu lama
di jalan itu, di mana waktu begitu rakus akan warna
semua yang kukenakan telah menjadi hitam putih
kau tak kunjung kembali

aku merasa harus melancong itu waktu
dan melarang diriku mendengarkan lagu-lagu
tapi ke mana–mantan pacar sudah semuanya kelabu
semua toko menggugatku: ‘yang sedih tak boleh dapat potongan harga’

mungkin ke bioskop, supaya perasaan terasa mewah
aku ingin bilang: kangen
tapi lalu kupikir itu terlalu biasa, seperti cinta

malam punya cara yang lebih sengit untuk menjelaskan semuanya
seperti rembulan di atas lampu-lampu jalan
seperti kepak sayap kelelawar di atas lalu lintas
seperti ada yang begitu tradisional di mana pun keriuhan mendera
–seperti hidup kita dan dalamnya

aku merasa aku bertahan terlalu lama
aku tak tahu engkau di mana, aku tak berani—tanya siapa
film siap dimulai, lampu-lampu dimatikan
tubuhku gemetar, entah kedinginan entah kehilangan
orang-orang berbisik: ‘yang sendirian boleh duduk paling depan’

well well well, everything seemed to go well in the end. best friends, food, whisky, vodka and wine, cigarettes, music, the cake as well. two uninvited people was a disappointing fact though. i mean, hello… it’s me! it’s someone who won’t feel comfortable being intruded by any people i do not expect. like my closest friends always say: ‘dina does not meet anyone who comes to her house without invitation–and that’s on the daily basis’. it does not matter wether i like the people or not, i do not like the fact. well, forget about! i would like to thank my friends and some special people for the party:

thank you philip, and sunya, and rosa, and mbok ginem

thank you bino, rachel, tim, jepara, naomi, and ara

thank you cindhil, panjul, plentonk, vidya, yennu, andy, and asa

thank you wildan and gombloh, and also ambar

thank you for lightening up the party and sharing the joy with me.

wait for the photos and videos of the party!

yk, sept 9, 2009

i hate the fact that i have to get myself organised for party. look at some people around me–they’re trying to get the party organised for me, and they have ignored my feelings and happiness before the party even started. i do not want to join them and ignore my own heart. i mean, if i myself has lost all the joy how could i share it with my guests? so would you get the party organised for your fuckin‘ sake? don’t involve me–even though it should be my party.

]]> http://dinaoktaviani.com/diary/about-my-book-party/feed 0 http://dinaoktaviani.com/headlines/available-now http://dinaoktaviani.com/headlines/available-now#comments Wed, 09 Sep 2009 06:30:23 +0000 Dina Oktaviani http://dinaoktaviani.com/?p=209

in two languages–bahasa indonesia and english

harga/price: 55,000 idr

hubungi/please contact: publishing@dinaoktaviani.com untuk pemesanan/for orders

atau dapatkan di toko-toko buku terdekat/or go and find them in bookstores

(baca selengkapnya di halaman ini/read this page all the way down)

hati yang patah berjalan

broken heart walking

puisi dan terjemahan

poems and translations by

dina oktaviani

editor

edited by

m. aan mansyur

shinta febriany

philip hatch-barnwell

foto sampul

photograph by

philip hatch-barnwell

desain sampul

cover design by

andy seno aji

tata letak

lay-out by

martin

146 pages

OKTAVIANI PUBLISHING

www.dinaoktaviani.com

First edition, August 2009

harga/price: 55,000 idr

biaya pengiriman/delivery charge: please check www.tikijne.co.id

pembelian/purchase (plus author’s signature): via transfer to the account 037 253 9150, Dina Oktaviani, BCA (Bank Central Asia) Jl. Jenderal Sudirman, Yogyakarta, Indonesia.

kirim detail transfer dan jumlah buku yang dipesan, beserta nama dan alamat pengiriman buku ke publishing@dinaoktaviani.com

please send the details of the transfer along with the number of book required, name and address as for book(s) to be delivered to publishing@dinaoktaviani.com

kini juga bisa didapatkan di toko-toko buku berikut/now also available in the bookstores below:

1. Gramedia Citraland- Jkt
2. Gramedia Matraman- Jkt
3. Gramedia Sudirman -Jgj
4. Gramedia Pandanarang-Smrg
5. Gramedia Jember
6. Gramedia EXPO-Sby
7. Gramedia Manyar-Sby
8. Gramedia Duta Plaza-Denpasar
9. Gramedia Galeria-Kuta Bali
10. Gramedia Merdeka-Bdg
11. Gramedia Paris Van Java- Bdg
12. Gramedia BSM-Bdg
13. Gramedia Tasikmalaya
14. Gramedia Cirebon
15. Togamas Jogja
16. Tobucil Bandung

17. Shakespeare and Company, Paris

warm love,

dina oktaviani

ini adalah buku puisi dina oktaviani yang pertama, edisi pertama diterbitkan oleh insistpress tahun 2006.
anda tidak akan menemukannya lagi di toko buku.
hanya tersisa beberapa eksemplar untuk permintaan khusus.
jika anda ingin memilikinya silakan hubungi publishing@dinaoktaviani.com
harga: sebanyak yang anda mampu berikan untuk mendukung dina oktaviani.

this is dina oktaviani’s first book of poems, first edition published in 2006 by insistpress.
you will not find any copies of this book in bookstores.
there are few copies left for special orders.
if you like to have one you may contact publishing@dinaoktaviani.com.
price: as much as you can afford to support dina oktaviani.

warm love,

dina oktaviani