SENTIMENTAL SHOES

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–a.t.

(klik di sini untuk versi bahasa indonesia)

do we hold on to the things
– the wheel on the road, the boat in the river
the same last name, the illusion of ties
or to the same sighs from the same quiver

is my freedom the opposite of love
when i simply get up and walk out the walls
when i’ve made half their dreams come true
to return to my abandoned soles

the wind is rough, it isn’t cruel
your dark face enters the white bridge
like laughter erases all past outrage
my heart’s a dove, it’s not a fool

do we hold on to the music
when the waves sing fitzgerald – nothing brutal
let my hair down and i your guards
ignore the ground that’s full of shards
taste, in me, the perpetual and the sentimental

do we hold on to the kisses
when the bridge is full of envy
home’s where time slows and you don’t mind
is your freedom a mirror of mine
my heart is calm, it isn’t empty

london, 6 june – sherborne, 21 july 2026

SEPATU SENTIMENTAL

/ dinaoktaviani / 1 Comment

–a.t.

(click here for the english version)

pada hal-hal ini kah kita berpegang
– kemudi di jalan, kapal di sungai
nama belakang yang sama, ilusi ikatan yang sama
ataukah pada desah sama dari getaran yang sama

apakah kebebasanku kebalikan dari cinta
hanya karena ‘ku bangkit dan dari dinding ‘ku keluar
setelah kujadikan nyata separuh mimpi mereka
untuk pulang ke tapak sepatuku yang terlantar

angin menderu kasar, ia tak kejam
memasuki jembatan putih wajah gelapmu
seperti tawa menghapus seluruh amarah lama
hatiku merpati, ia tak dungu

pada musik kah kita berpegang
saat ombak nyanyikan fitzgerald – bukan hal brutal
rebahkan rambutku, kuruntuhkan waspadamu
abaikan tanah yang penuh pecahan
kecap, pada diriku, yang kekal dan sentimental

pada ciuman kah kita berpegang
saat jembatan penuh cemburu
rumah: tempat waktu melambat dan kau tak tegang
apakah kebebasanmu cermin kebebasanku
hatiku tenang, ia tak lengang

london, 6 juni – sherborne, 21 juli 2026

NO ONE ASKED

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no one asked if you could breathe
they just wanted to know if you remember the date
what you were thinking when you froze, nobody cared
just if there was a bruise, perhaps a slice – an account shared

with whom, where and what time
doesn’t it sound like a love affair
when your little self craved validation like air
hoping your skull would be intact every time

those turbulent nights you could not go for a walk
for if you walked out you should never come back
these quiet mornings when you no longer wish to talk
can i talk you out of breaking your neck

can i save you – just you, if i so yearn
would you abandon the sun when it’s started to burn
or would you survive and sacrifice
for breathing alone could not possible suffice

ashford, 16 july 2026

NEW RIPPLES

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my river, my love, my memory of you
not drying up under the high sun
nothing short of grey, and true, and blue
take me right where i cannot run

my face, my guts, my ducks in a row
to reflect, digest, to leave ripples behind
to understand and yet never let go
for time is irrelevant in the likes of mind

beyond me is wars, prices and police
it’s old, it’s new, some eliminate too
my words, my solitary and my peace
are proof of everything of undervalue

d.o.
paris 30 may 2026

RIAK BARU

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(click here of the english version)

sungaiku, cintaku, kenanganku akan dirimu
tak mengering di bawah terik matahari
tak kurang kelabu, dan sejati, dan biru
membawaku tepat di mana ku tak bisa lari

wajahku, ususku, bebekku yang berderet rapi
memantulkan, mencerna, meninggalkan riak
memahami dan tetap tak pernah melepaskan lagi
sebab waktu tak relevan dalam ihwal seperti pikiran

di luarku peperangan, harga dan polisi
ia lama, ia baru, dan sebagian melenyapkan
kata-kataku, kesendirianku, kedamaian ini
adalah bukti akan segala yang diremehkan

d.o.
paris, 30 mei 2026

ANKLE-DEEP ROMANCE

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here comes the low tide
you’re nowhere in sight
— your kisses and your sighs
agony in your green eyes

i’d rather be happy than have poetry
to never be hurt, to never blame you
to steal your breath for an eternity
to hell with dreams that do not come true

i’m not prepared for your freedom
you’re not equipped with my ransom
the water keeps leaving the pier
still i’m drowning in my old fear

big hands on my waist were never enough
what is this illness i keep calling love
to paris’ rain my heart will return
where your shadows can’t leave me alone

d.o.
london, 20 may 2026

ROMAN SEMATA KAKI

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(click here for the english version)

maka datanglah surut itu
tiada kutemu sosokmu
–ciumanmu dan desahmu
derita di mata hijaumu

lebih baik bahagia ketimbang berpuisi
tak pernah terluka, tak pernah menyalahkanmu
mencuri nafasmu selama-lamanya
persetan dengan mimpi yang tak jadi nyata

aku tak siap dengan kebebasanmu
kau tak memegang tebusanku
air terus meninggalkan pelabuhan
tetap kutenggelam dalam tua ketakutan

tangan besar di pinggangku tak pernah cukup
sungguh apa kesakitan yang terus kusebut cinta ini
ke hujan paris hatiku akan kembali
di sana meninggalkanku bayangmu tak sanggup

d.o.
london, 20 mei 2026

BEFORE THE RIVER

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have i ever stood still before you
to look at your waves subtle and crude
and to see the sky above you
as merely the sky and not solitude

or do i glance at your surface
and, being inexperienced in feeling loved
dive straight into the cold behind this face
avoiding the reflection of the sane world

do i chuckle and frown and smile
with the excitement of the wind and pain so pure
have i ever stood still before you
before passing your depth and trueness by

d.o.
paris, 16 may 2026

DI HADAPAN SUNGAI

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(click here for the english version)

pernahkah ku berdiri tenang di hadapanmu
memandang gelombangmu halus dan kasar
dan melihat langit yang berada di atasmu
sebagai sekadar langit dan bukan kesunyian

ataukah kulirik saja permukaanmu
dan, sebab tak pengalaman merasa dicintai
lekas menyelam ke dingin di balik paras ini
menghindari bayangan dunia yang waras itu

apa aku terkekeh, mengerut dan tersenyum
dengan kegembiraan angin dan sakit semurni itu
pernahkah ku berdiri tenang di hadapanmu
sebelum melewatkan kedalaman dan kesungguhanmu

d.o.
paris, 16 mei 2026

PHANTASM

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(klik di sini untuk versi bahasa indonesia)

i see two moons on the windows, outside
a reflection of a reflection of light
in the face of you, my darling, i see my heart
a reflection of a reflection of fights

wishing for a banging door – not by my hand
for love to enter, finally, my kingdom of hell
longing to surrender, to trust, comprehend
to testify in favour of everyone who fell

my pains are heavy and you are free
a tie is only a burden when you wear it on your shoulders
fly away when my kisses have lost their novelty
and let me wander alone like a starling suffers

d.o.
london, 2 may 2026